Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My bed smells like the plague
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
