she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
