see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
