Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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