He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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