having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
where are my eyebrows?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
