I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she woke up with a sticky ear
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
