she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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