there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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