Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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