The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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