You're so nebulous sometimes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
