I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't deserve a penis
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
They have beer where we have blood.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
