Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
