Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
