So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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