I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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