i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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