Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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