Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
