Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
