Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
