i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
