She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
