Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
