i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
