I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
