took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
