I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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