I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
