Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
