He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
