I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
