Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
