When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
