I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
