so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
