why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
