Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i barfeds in our rink
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
