Dual....:-)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
