she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
