The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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