Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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