that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
