to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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