ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm like, not good at living.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
