woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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