just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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