i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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