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new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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