He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
