I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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