first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
