You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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