Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
