In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
