Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
