Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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