So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He did a backflip because drugs
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
