Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize