I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
