i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
