Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
