O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
