dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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