apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
